Letting Go of Chaos
Picture a hamster running, forever running on a squeaky wheel. Amidst the constant chatter and chaos inside of me, that is what my brain looks like to me. It is rare that I get a moment of peace inside. Right now it’s about a thousand times worse, and despite how tired I feel, I need to purge it out so I can sleep. I do tend to have insomnia and lay awake many nights trying to calm the beast that resides in my head. It’s constant and it is often difficult for me to decipher what I want, what is real, and what is simply chasing an old dream that can’t be caught. My feelings are trapped like a fly desperately struggling to escape the web. I’ve got my mind on some things and while the feelings seem real, I have been wondering these last few days if it is simply a matter of old habits die hard. I wish I could properly sort these feelings for fear that if I don’t, I will grow old alone. What I perceive is not necessarily a reality for the f...